Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
