I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bring me that man meat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
