I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
