Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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