I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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