Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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