So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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