Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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