My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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