i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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