What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
