got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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