I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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