I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
