you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
