No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hippo gnu deer
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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