They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
