I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she told me i tasted like america
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize