so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
