So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
