I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
