P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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