i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
