K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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