I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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