We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
