I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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