Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
