I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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