that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize