i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
