I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize