Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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