New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
