im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
