If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
