I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
