so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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