It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
