Will you blow on my dice?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
