"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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