Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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