So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
