also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
