i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Panties = found
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
