haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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