dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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