drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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