i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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