My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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