i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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