So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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