I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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