Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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