you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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