Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
