i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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