"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
