I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
