before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
