u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
