I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
