We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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