I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize