Will you blow on my dice?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
