Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
