i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
