when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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