She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
