No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was like giving head to a cactus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
