I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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