hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize