everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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