I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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