she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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